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For those who are thinking of getting more serious with a woman down here, you might end up consider the possibility of living together with your Colombian girl before marriage.
However, people living together before marriage isn’t as widely accepted as it is in the United States, Canada or other more developed countries.
One of the reasons for this is that Colombia is a very Catholic country.
As mentioned in another article I wrote here, there are instances where the Catholic faith has strong influence over what people believe to be socially acceptable in this country.
In my years of experience living down here, one of those instances where this is the case is when you want to live together with your Colombian girl before marriage.
Going years back, I remember one time I was in a serious relationship with a Colombian girl in Barranquilla in my earlier days of living in Colombia.
And back then, we ended up getting serious enough where I was considering even living together with her to take the relationship further.
Now she didn’t have any issue with this whatsoever personally and even my own parents at the time were wondering if we were going to reach that point soon.
However, her parents didn’t like the idea very much when we brought it up to them. In their opinion, living together is only for married people.
As it is something married people do and also would imply that you two are probably going to be having sex.
Of course, we were having sex anyway despite not living together.
But for the parents, living together served as a stronger indication that we probably were having sex and they didn’t want their idea of their daughter having pre-marital sex to be ruined.
Which, as a side note, is a bit odd given how much casual sex happens in Colombia but anyway….
The point is clear – we weren’t able to live together during the time we were in a relationship because ultimately this chick was still living with her parents and studying at school with no job.
So she didn’t really have much power to say that she was going to live with someone else.
Which ultimately this story serves to bring up several points about the topic of trying to live with your Colombian girl before marriage.
If you meet a nice Colombian woman and want to go down this path, here are some key points you need to take away before doing anything like this.
First: Generational Differences
The first thing to understand is that there are generational differences with this issue like anything else you would imagine.
For the parents, their generation got married even earlier than the young Colombian generation of today.
They married and formed families a little bit quicker and also took religion a bit more seriously also.
Take my girlfriend for example. She identifies as Catholic but only goes to Church when she is with family. When she is not with her family on the weekend, then she doesn’t go to Church. She simply goes when the rest of the family is going.
And overall I would say is not very religious but is a little bit.
That’s a very common difference overall between older and younger Colombians.
And the same can be said for differences in their acceptance of couples living together before marriage.
Second: Location
A Picture of Popoyan
As mentioned in other articles on this website, certain cities like Bogota or Medellin are almost like different worlds when compared to other parts of Colombia like Valledupar, Popayán, Riohacha or others.
Simply put, places like Bogota or Medellin are much more urban and liberal.
Whereas cities like Popayán or Quibdó are much more conservative overall.
So if your girl and her family are from a place like Bogota or Medellin, you have a better shot of her family being cool with you two living together before marriage.
Keep in mind that overall it’s mostly Bogota or Medellin where these attitudes are a bit more relaxed. Even in other bigger and more urban cities like Cartagena have a more conservative attitude overall.
Third: Work Issues
This one is simple. If your girl has a stable job of her own that pays the bills and doesn’t need family to support her, then it will be easier to live together before marriage.
However, if your girl is still studying or simply lives at home without doing much, then you are in a tougher situation.
Plus I’d recommend you find a girl that can provide some income for the monthly expenses anyway.
Unless you are looking for a girl that will stay at home to raise the kids, which is fine also.
Fourth: Differences in “Independence”
There is a general difference between countries like the US and Colombia in general.
One time I was talking with a Colombian friend of mine and he told me how he often sees most Americans as “little independents.”
What he meant by that is that he perceived most American people as having a very strong preference for feeling “independent” and are less group minded in general.
That we are more comfortable doing our own thing – even if it goes against what the family wants.
For example, a person in the US who decides to live a few states away from their parents.
In Colombia, that is less common since families are tighter in general and Colombians have a much weaker emphasis on being “independent” than people in the US.
So try to understand that it will be harder for your Colombian girl to simply decide to live with you before marriage even if she has the financial ability to do so.
Because that might involve going against what the family wants and she likely isn’t as concerned about being “independent” and doing what she would prefer.
Fifth: Age Differences
In this case, you will also notice that there are differences with Colombian women of different ages.
If your girl is younger than 23 for example, it will be a lot harder for her to decide to move in with you.
Whereas if she is 28 or 29, then it is much more likely that she will be able to move in with you.
There are a few reasons for this.
First, it is much more likely that she has her own job anyway and can afford to.
Second, it is likely that her parents are concerned about her getting married and moving on with her life already since being unmarried at 28 or 29 is a bit old for Colombia. In short, Colombian women tend to get married in their younger 20s. So for the parents, they simply might be more accepting here if it means that moving in will increase the chances of her getting married soon finally.
Third, if she is older at that age and still not married, it is more likely she is from one of the more urban cities like Bogota or Medellin. In this case, she more likely focused her younger years on education and getting a good job. And if she is from those areas, then her parents will be more likely to accept you two living together before marriage.
Sixth: Class Differences
From what I have seen, there are certain class differences here when it comes to Colombian parents being accepting of their children living with others.
For those that are from poorer backgrounds or especially more rural poor backgrounds, then it will be a bit harder to convince them of this.
If they are from a more middle class background, it still won’t be as ideal but a little bit easier.
For the most part, it’s a lot easier if her family is from the upper class or a bit richer in wealth. If that is the case, it will be easier from what I have seen to convince her family.
Now from what I have observed, there are a few reasons that might explain why this is.
First, people in the upper class of Colombia tend to be a little bit less religious from what I have seen.
Second, they are more likely to be living in the bigger cities like Medellin or Bogota.
Seventh: Time Abroad
If your Colombian girl has spent time abroad or even time living in another city by herself without family, then this will be easier to convince her family.
From what I have seen, the parents will be more accepting of her living together with you as they already accepted her living far away from home.
So keep that in mind that if she lived away from the parents for some time, you might find it easier to convince her parents.
Eighth: Differences in Religiosity
It should also be mentioned that not all Colombians are crazy religious with their Catholic faith. As said before, there are generational differences and differences by area of the country.
However, there are obviously also just general differences between individuals and families anyway.
So just keep that in mind that even if her family is from a more poor rural background and she doesn’t have her own income, it’s still possible to convince her family.
Ninth: Time to Marriage
Generally speaking, if you two begin to live together, it will be expected that you two are going to get married quick enough anyway.
So if you tell her parents that you would like to simply live with her for a tiny bit before getting married in the near future, they will likely be more accepting of this.
Tenth: Family Relationship
It should be obvious that if you have a good relationship with her family over a decent period of time, it will be easier to work with them on this issue.
Overall, they will trust you more and will believe that you are a good man for their daughter to live with before marriage.
Final Thoughts
Overall, hopefully this article was useful for those that might encounter this issue while dating a Colombian woman in a serious relationship.
If you have any insight of your own or questions, let me know in the comment section below.
Thanks for reading and take care!
Hasta luego parceros,
Seth
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